1. "Better catch up on sleep before Baby comes!"
Because it's so easy to sleep at this point in my pregnancy, when I'm as big as a house and have to pee every 14 seconds.
2. "Baby'll be here before you know it!"
Except when you're at the end of your pregnancy, each day feels like a month. So, since I'm 37-weeks pregnant, that means I still have 21 months to go.
3. "My delivery was so hard/long/painful," etc.
Look, this baby has to come out one way or another, and I may already be more or less terrified. But I can pretend like that story about suffering through a 92-hour labor isn't going to make me go home and cry.
4. "Are you going to have any more?"
ANY MORE? I haven't even had this one!
5. "You're still pregnant?"
What was your first clue? Maybe it was the waddle that gave it away? Or was it the profuse sweating? These freak-show boobs? Being as wide as you are tall also makes pregnancy truly hard to disguise.
6. "I went early."
Why are you spreading false hope? WHY?!? That's just cruel.
7. Looking disappointed or cringing when the baby's gender is revealed.
First of all, you asked what I was having. Then you seemed put off when I shared it is another girl. Good thing I'm over-the-moon about it! Hey, while you're at it, don't forget to ask about my plans to go for that boy, something I'm totally focused on just weeks ahead of this delivery! (Not.)
8. "I stopped gaining weight by now. My body just couldn't handle anymore!"
Step away from the pregnant lady and no one gets hurt!
9. "You must be due any day."
Well, no, actually. I still have two months to go. Hold on while I jump off this bridge.
10. "I feel like you've been pregnant forever," or "Your pregnancy flew by!"
I'm the one who is pregnant and can assure everyone that their perceptions of how slowly or quickly it progressed does not mirror mine.
11. "You look so cute!"
Then why don't I feel remotely cute? Maybe you didn't see my swollen feet and acne. And of course there's no way you could have known that I haven't shaved my bikini area since last month, or that my stretch marks are starting to change from a subtle pink color to a searing purple hue. Sigh.
12. "Enjoy this time. It goes so fast."
Pretty sure one day I'll agree.... But it sure isn't today!
Look, it's pretty hard to say the right thing to a woman in her third trimester. The best you can probably do: "I feel your pain!"
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