The number one thing that I wish someone had told me about becoming a mother was how it would impact me psychologically. Like when you think about having kids, you think, oh my gosh, I'm gonna be tired. It's gonna be a lot of responsibility. It's gonna be a financial responsibility. But you don't think about what it's going to do to you psychologically. I don't know what it is about becoming a mother that made me feel like everything all of a sudden needs to be perfect. And all of a sudden I need to be perfect. And I hold myself to these crazy standards as a mother, because I feel like I have two children who look to me on what to do, and rely on me and everything I do has to be perfect.
I am a working mom. I work full-time. It's really tough. I wake up at 6:30 in the morning I try to get myself ready while I get the kids ready. Try to get them to daycare on time. Try to get to work on time. Work all day, try not to check my phone too much to like deal with all the other kid stuff. Try to get home in time to pick them up. Make dinner, put them to bed, pass out on the couch, repeat. I feel guilty because as a working parent I have two huge responsibilities I have my children and I have my job. A lot of the time my job takes away from time that I could spend with my children. And then on the weekends, I sometimes I just need to spend some time staring at the wall and they'll watch cartoons for a couple hours and that even makes me feel like crap. And I think social media is a huge problem when it comes to setting unrealistic expectations for moms. Because, we're supposed to post everything positive and everything good. And the second someone posts something bad, or unhappy it's like I don't want to see that.
For example, if you look at my Instagram you take this one, for example it's me, my boys are both smiling. And we're out in nature, we look super happy. What you don't see is my husband complaining every five seconds about having to take a picture. It's 20 degrees outside, so we're all freezing but we had cute shirts on so I made my kids take their jackets off. And, you don't see the 8,000 outtakes of both of them frowning and crying and me about to start crying, as well. And of course, we all know that social media is just the highlight reel of people's lives. But for me, as a mother, with so much responsibility and these high standards of perfection, it's really detrimental on my self-esteem to be seeing all these other moms just looking so happy, so well rested, so pleased with everything. And just, like they have everything together when I feel like half the time I'm falling apart.
Seeing all this stuff is just like a constant reminder of my shortcomings. And, it makes me feel like crap. But the way that I have started to think about it and what I've started to realize is it's fine to be just okay, I always tell people I'm the world's okayest mom. And I'm so happy with that. I mean, you meet my kids, they're well adjusted kids. They are clothed, they are fed, they are loved, they are happy. And maybe they ate a box of mac and cheese last night but that's not gonna kill them, and at least they ate. And, maybe they sit on the couch and watch cartoons for a few hours, but I made sure that they're distracted while I freaking like decompress and lose it as a human so that they don't have to feel the brunt of that. And they don't have to feel that energy coming from me. And, maybe I don't volunteer for everything in their school and I'm not there to pick them up everyday but (exhales).
And maybe I don't volunteer for their school and I'm not there to pick them up everyday but that's because I'm working so that we have insurance and they can see their doctor and they can have all their soccer lessons and dance classes and all the stuff that they want to do. And college funds and I'm doing this all for their future. That's not a bad mom, I'm not the world's perfect mom because I'll never be the world's perfect mom. But I'm okay.
So I don't know why moms are so hard on themselves. When really even if we're doing an okay job, that's fine. If you are about to have children that is my one piece of advice to you. And if you already have children, let yourself off the hook a little bit and do what you need to do to make sure that you are happy. Whether it's meditating, or planting your kids in front of the TV and sitting on the bathroom floor eating cheesecake. Or having a glass of wine, or whatever you need to do to practice self care make sure that that's a priority too.
As long as you are invested, and you are committed, and you are there for your children we can fuck up a little bit and it's fine. Parents don't have to be perfect. Also, I wish someone had told me that when newborns crap, it can literally leak from their diaper all the way up to the back of their head because the first time that happened it was horrifying. So that's all I've got for today.
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